The Wisdom that comes with Age

   Posted by: Wayne Armstrong   in Funny

This is why women should not take men shopping against their will. A funny story I received by email. Let me say upfront, give me a chance at that age and i would do something like this.

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out.

Equally unfortunately, my wife is like most women – she loved to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Wal-Mart:

Dear Mrs. Smith,

Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Smith are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people’s carts when they weren’t looking.

2 . July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women’s restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, ‘Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away. ‘

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M’s on layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a ‘CAUTION – WET FLOOR’ sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he’d invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him, he began crying and screamed, ‘Why can’t you people just leave me alone?’

9. September 4: Looked right into the security cam era and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the ‘Mission Impossible’ theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his ‘Madonna look’ by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled ‘PICK ME! PICK ME!’

14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed ‘OH NO! IT’S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!’

And last, but not least .

15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, ‘Hey! There’s no toilet paper in here!’

I hope you got a chuckle out of some of this. Do not underestimate the lengths at which men will go to avoid shopping.

Merry Christmas, Happy holidays, or whatever you want to say just enjoy it.

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This entry was posted on Friday, December 19th, 2008 at 2:51 pm and is filed under Funny. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

4 comments so far


Wayne, laughter is good medicine, and I’m feeling great. Thanks.

My wife went into the restroom once and saw a list of things NOT to put into the toilet. So she starts wondering what she can put in that the next time she comes they will have added to the list.

December 19th, 2008 at 3:39 pm

What a wonderful tickle! It really made me laugh outloud. Thanks for sharing. I wonder if this is what my husband is doing when he wanders off during our shopping sprees.

December 19th, 2008 at 9:39 pm

Hey you never know? Maybe check with security surveillance if you hear unidentifiable screams coming from around the store!!!
Have a great day.

December 20th, 2008 at 8:17 am
Rich & Tonya Brandon

seen this today, called Rich in to look at it, and he promptly informed me…”I have to get that one!” I’m wandering which “one” he is referring to! 🙂 hope your Christmas and New Year is a BLESSED one! missing you all there!
Love in Christ, The Brandon Crew

December 28th, 2008 at 4:20 pm

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